Thread:DazzlingEmerald/@comment-25771248-20151007203326/@comment-25152698-20151008011832

Writing quality is fairly good, aside from some grammatical errors here and there which I'm almost certain are typos.

The concept, admittedly, I'm not too fond of. To be completely honest with you, her backstory seems far too convenient. There is little mention, if at all, of how she acquired one of the signature techniques of Kaguyo Otsutsuki upon birth. To me, it doesn't seem like that technique should be accessible by anyone, and as I mentioned earlier, anything that has to do with these Otsutsuki aliens, I'm not too fond of, so forgive if I am being a little bias here.

What many people seem to forget, is that, on top of being extinct, the Kaguya Clan weren't even apart of Kirigakure, lol. In fact, they were one of Kirigakure's greatest enemies, to the point where they were hunted down until their numbers were no longer present. As for those that manage to somehow acquire their kekkei genkai... yeah, they're hated by the clan itself, so this only speaks volumes of what everyone else would think of them. Just imagine; if your own clan is locking you in a cell because of the powers you possess, then why on earth is anyone allowing this child to live? Especially, of all people, why the hell (excuse my language, but I do believe it is necessary to get my point across properly) is the Mizukage allowing this child to live? He is going against his village's history here. And, why is he... an Uchiha? lol

So, at this point, I'm just severely disagreeing with you, in that I think the doctor himself, upon witnessing what happened to Tsuyo's mother, would just probably stab the child to death. I mean, they should still tell stories of how Kiri constantly warred with the Kaguya, so it's not like the residents wouldn't have that at the back of their minds. Kill that child. Kill it with fire.

So, in this next phase, the Mizukage is apparently taking it upon himself to raise this child, already teaching her combat orientated abilities by the age of 3. The most humorous part of all of this for me, personally, is that he apparently has knowledge of the Kaguya's techniques? To my knowledge, only Kaguya and Zetsu used All Killing Ash Bones, and I'm almost fairly certain Naruto and Sasuke didn't go around telling people about the kind of techniques Kaguya used in her battle against them. So how did this Uchiha Mizukage even get this information? No, no, better yet; if he knows how dangerous Shikotsumyaku is... why... why as the Mizukage, of all people, is he allowing this child to live? Is Kiri really this desperate for strong shinobi? Well, I hope raising one girl is worth placing the entire village at risk.

If I was the council, I'd probably send some assassins after the Mizukage himself, and not only because he's an Uchiha, but because of his obvious lack of forethought here. But, while we're on that subject, why on earth is there an Uchiha Mizukage, again? Even beyond the Kaguya Clan, an even greater enemy of the Mist would be the Uchiha. Why? Because everyone knows that Obito manipulated the Fourth Mizukage! And, everyone knows they were behind the Fourth War! Remember, it's not so easy to persuade an entire village into liking something. Especially those raised in Kiri, who are already used to hunting kekkei genkai wielders. Yeah, now that I think about it, none of this really makes sense to me at all, lol.

But, I don't know, maybe this is some alternate universe of yours? Where Kirigakure has suddenly become all peace loving, and everyone is oblivious to the village's rich history.

Anyway, I have yet to read past the first chapter, and I'm really hoping you go into some more detail about some of the questions I've already asked. I have a lot of studying to do tonight, but I took my free time writing you a response instead of replying to Serk's roleplay, and unfortunately, I'm not convinced that it was the better choice.

Sorry if my harsh criticism concerns you, but I imagine that's what you came here for, lol. Don't take this personally; this is just how I am and how I was taught. If you want quicker results, then ya gotta be strict.