Board Thread:Specific Characters Qualification Exam/@comment-26116209-20141213193354/@comment-1875854-20141220123303


 * Appearance: 5
 * Personality: 15
 * History: 17
 * Abilities: 20
 * Grammar: 10, I didn't see any grammar problems that interfered with reading.
 * Questions: 150 points.
 * Total: 207, failure.

I do have reasons for failing you, I'm not trying to be rude in any way by failing you by three points or anything. While a nice character overall, it lacks somethings essential in the whole assessment. For example, the background/history is supposed to tell where she got all her restricted abilities. I see you put it in the abilities, but you're supposed to do it more in depth in the background. The background seems to cut off at a certain point and the abilities and these questions on the application bring the character to the present day, which is confusing. While this happens in canon characters a lot, in fanon you should be expected to provide a history for the character up to the present timeline, where you take it to the current story section. But between those two places, many of the abilities she has should have been mentioned, which doesn't happen. Also, she could not have met all the TBs, it is technically impossible to meet all of them. Even so, if she did, you should expand perhaps on each meeting, so we can tie it in. It's also impossible to meet the 8 Tails in the wild in the timeline. And then, she entered the Telepathy world without being a jinchuuriki. It's unique, but impossible in canon. Also, there's not really a mention of how she uses this chakra she gained from each one and it sounds like she could form a Shinju or something now.

And then, all the business with Shai and his crew sounds interesting but it's all broken up. It's not complete in the background, and explained more in the abilities but that makes it all over the place and not in the background/current story section where it should be as well. Using it in the abilities to tell where they came from is fine, but since they were left out of the background, it was confusing to tie it all together and still some parts were missing because it didn't really help her get an ability.

Her personality sounds interesting but it doesn't really seem to fit the character you described throughout the whole article and in these questions. How has all these experiences, with the TBs, Shai and his gang, the Boruto and the death of her parents change her? How did awakening each eye stage change her? This should kinda be in there, along with her goals you describe here. She's seemed to be on Shai's side or something, accepting things from him and "watching over". And then, that tidbit in the end of the background about her meeting the Sage and becoming enlightened and wanting to watch over the world, should kinda be explained more in the background. As well as here, since she became "enlightened."

Appearance was fine.

Abilities: One of the restricted content, Yasaka wasn't mentioned at all in the abilities. Like I said above, the abilities and the questions seem to do the background's job but it helped in this case since I was able to know where some of the abilities came from. But not all of it. For example, her senjutsu, while you tell where she got it from, that doesn't really explain how she learned it herself. While Tsuki having Deidara's DNA kinda makes sense, it doesn't really seem to serve a purpose except giving her a new arm and a new release, seems tacked on and unrelated to the rest of her skillset. I mean her Explosion usage is told in body modifications but not in nature transformation (which shouldn't be under tessenjutsu). If you could explain how she uses it with her other abilities (besides Sage Mode) that would be nice. So you tie them all in, instead of being standalone abilities.

Really, her EMS awakening doesn't make sense. Do eyes really stay that long without decay? Sure, she could of had Maroi from Shai's group "restore" the eyes but the whole process doesn't really make sense. It kinda just says, "She was followed by Shai, and then she let Maroi do the process.." (not exactly I know). This is also where the history needs to come in. She seems to have joined them, but the background provides no context for this.

Also, channeling chakra through a fan isn't "unique." It's not commonly done, but it's not like impossible except for a certain people by any means. You kinda just need a fan that allows for chakra flow.

Regardless, all of her abilities (even the Deidara parts) could tie in together, but they don't, except in the Sage Mode section and with her fan (the Sage Mode seems tagged along too). But the abilities seem to lack a cohesive togetherness, instead things like Senjutsu and Deidara's DNA seem like standalone abilities. Yes the Senjutsu section explains how she combines it with Magnet and Explosion but it has it's own shortcomings in grading and it just doesn't seem to make sense with the character who was established in the background and personality. This is also why where she got the abilities should be in the background as well. It would help bring them together.

Also, the TB chakra is never mentioned. Shouldn't it be? And then, her reason for awakening Kamui, while it can be assumed, isn't in there. The emotion she felt that caused its awakening isn't there, which it should be.

Really, I could pass you but I chose not too. While two other ops can override this failure, I still failed you any way for the reasons above. She needs a longer background and personality section for the character to be better understood as well as a change in the formatting of her abilities. At the moment, I don't really see how being a Sage Uchiha (with Susanoo and Kamui) with Magnet Release, fan mastery, sand usage (sand usage which wasn't really mentioned, besides how she used it to mastered Magnet), and Deidara's DNA goes together. What does that mean, mastering Magnet Release? She kinda lacks how she fully uses her natures. I can understand the why from a story perspective but not really how it fits the character as a whole. Does her Susanoo uses a fan as well? That would make sense to me but it doesn't really say. Seems like a good concept, but not all the way there yet.