Board Thread:Naruto Fanon's Review Board!/@comment-25436862-20150529030808/@comment-3030647-20150530133719

Akira's turn!

Introduction: Simple and short, not bad. I'd recommend changing the comma before the "her joyful" to a semi-colon...though I'm not the best with punctuation and grammar as-is.

Appearance: While less detailed than Michi's (which is kind of surprising, given what you can clearly work with given her background), it's still quite good. I'd recommend expanding on her facial expressions and overall physique and facial features as well, given how important the former are in regards to a Shinobi.

Personality: A good, somewhat lengthier, summary than Michi's. But unlike the other one, you included a lot more things personal to Akira, such as her goals and whatnot. That being said, I feel like you are on the other extreme when it comes to Akira's personality in that, you focus so much on her "internal" self you forget to describe her external self (such as general mannerisms and whatnot). Though, nevertheless, it isn't bad regardless.

Background: Another interesting background. You seem to enjoy the whole sudden shift in persona dynamic due to traumatic events, huh? Though, given the scenario that Golden Darkness works in, that's completely understandable. I like how you built up her talents slowly, as well as the manner in which she attracts other people. But admittedly, the way you also described her emotional breakdown was quite touching...I do hope Michi's successful in his attempts!

Abilities: Given that there's little on here, I can't comment much. But I can say that your description of Explosion Release is well done. It seems like Akira could be an incredibly skilled Nintaijutsu user with her abilities. And I'm sure her Explosion Release could give her the necessary revenge against Zetsu. That being said, I would love if you fleshed out her abilities a bit more.

Overall: Definitely enjoy Akira. Not as much as Michi but, I'm sure with time, both of them will be of similar quality. As such, for your score, I'mma give you 3/5. Keep it up, Ded!