Thread:Silver-Haired Seireitou/@comment-26503587-20151119213119/@comment-2089817-20151120014759

Look, you seem like a nice guy, but you should know. I've been told my critique hurts people's feelings and makes small children cry. Apparently, I lack the people's skills needed to tell you that everything about your article needs a serious re-haul.

I'm not even trying to be a jerk. He's a Jinchuriki of a "Dragon God" apparently, and the transmigrant of... apparently God of every one of the seven sins, and mind control, decay, and illusions too. He has Rinnegan and Tenseigan, which doesn't make any sense since both of those eye powers can't be wielded by the same individual. I mean, I guess it COULD be, with one eye being a Rinnegan and another eye being a Tenseigan, but seriously dude, you don't NEED both powers. That's just wish fulfillment to the max. Then don't get me started on the shit ton of unnecessary titles, naming him the Sage of Hell, Sage of Heaven, King of the North, King of the West... Oh my god, I can feel the headaches.

Dude, seriously. You're clearly a good writer. You know how to write with proper grammar and can even prepare neatly and descriptive paragraphs, which shows you have a good amount of intelligence. So how is it that you fail to notice that almost 95% of this character needs to be changed? And you haven't even started writing his powers section yet! That's already a red flag.

I'd say more, but I have the feeling somebody is gonna show up and start crying about how I'm such an meanie, so... I'm just gonna leave it at that. If you're seriously asking me for feedback, my feedback is seriously to start from scratch and try to work more along the Narutoverse, because you're seriously stretching your limits way too far.