Santa's Evil Reign

Prologue
One Really Bad Monday Morning, North Pole

Dasha’s feet echoed down black-tiled bare hallways as he made his way towards the big man’s office. The “President” had summoned him to a meeting, and he walked quickly and with certain purpose. He could not be late, he knew the fate of those who were: they were turned into stocking-stuffers and hung above the fireplace.

Passing by a few, smooth glass windows, he could see outside into the frigid wasteland that surrounded the stronghold. The main office was on the top floor, of course, with all the rich trappings of an expensive penthouse. Well, an expensive penthouse fitted with cheesy red and green lights with literal holly decking the halls. It would have resembled an upscale club, except for the fact that all the women were not-so-scantily clad in thick fur coats. You could only really see there eyes, and as a result Dasha really did not see the point in keeping them around at all. But an evil overlord had to have his harem. He shook his head sadly.

Marching up to the ornate double doors, Dasha stretched as he prepared to knock. The doors were made of mahogany, with Christmas trees carved into their dark surfaces. But Dasha wasn’t concerned about the doors, but rather what was behind them.

Clearing his throat and straightening up, Dasha knocked firmly to the rap of “Jingle Bells,” causing the massive muscles in his arm to ripple conspicuously, before calling out in a loud voice:

“You wanted to see me sir?”

There was a gale of wind that slammed the doors wide open, nearly ripping them from their hinges. A bellow of unintelligible words followed, and Dasha assumed it was the President calling him out on only “just” arriving on time.

He was five minutes early.

“You may enter,” the big-man said after he had calmed down. Dasha did as he had been told and closed the doors behind him, although he knew it was probably suicide to do so. Santa was frowning rather heavily at him as he rocked back and forth threateningly from a gigantic rocking chair. There was no one else in the room.

Like the rest of the fortress, the main office was built to withstand damage. That being said, there was no reason why it couldn’t be full of luxury. A thick white carpet made from a polar bear fur lay across the floor, a huge desk with a huge plate of cookies resting on top was in the center of the room, and on one wall an immense fireplace roared. Next to the immense fireplace was an even more immense tree, and on the mantle where the aforementioned carcass bags filled with those who had defied his will.

Nay, their will.

For although all trembled before their leader, they were devoted to him, and followed him unquestionably. Thus as his employer smiled a sinister smile and chuckled a sinister chuckle, Dasha also smiled a sinister smile, and chuckled a sinister chuckle.

“One of the Elves is missing.” dropping all pretense of joviality, the big man in red snapped sharply.

“Ah yes, Buddy I believe.”

“You mean to tell me you knew about this?”

“Well sir, we had already sent out a search party and had hoped they would return with the traitor before you noticed.”

Rather than explode in a fit of anger, as Dasha had been expecting, the President leaned back in his huge rocking chair as he chewed on a candy cane.

“I actually wanted to see you about Code: Rudolph the Red-nose.”

“Code: everything is moving according to schedule, sir.”

“When will it be ready to launch?”

“In about five minutes sir, I should hope.” Dasha answered.

“I’ll use that time to check Facebook.” Santa said, “I need to update my “‘Twas the Night Before Doom’ page.”

“Very well sir, I will notify you when we receive the all-clear.” Dasha acted as though he would turn to leave, but he knew the President would have more to say to him, he could literally sense it in the atmosphere between them. What was it, did he need more hot chocolate?

“Dasha,” Santa said firmly, “ I will be the one to push the button, is that understood?”

“Yes sir, you will push the button.”

“Good,” the President rubbed his hands together as a smirk of indescribable glee crossed his face, and he began to mutter praises about his own evil scheme. “You are dismissed.” he said after realizing Dasha was still standing there. With a short bow the Reindeer-horned subordinate literally flew from the room. Sweat poured from his temples as he rushed back towards the launch pad.

There were only two minutes left, and he was on a tight schedule. They had a world to destroy, after all, and he had a million things to prepare. All that on only one cup of coffee.

Prologue 2
Five minutes later, as the evil organization from the North Pole had so carefully plotted, the world exploded.

Well, not literally.

The sky cracked open as a line of northern lights emanated from a singular point above the top of the world. It stretched all the way around the globe, like a get-fit waist band tightening on a bulging belly.

Meanwhile, all the Shinobi from their respective Shinobi homes would have noticed the strange lights dance across the sky, and from there a freezing blast of wind. Then, those closest to the line were overwhelmed with a blizzard of snow and ice that quickly buried them in an avalanche of eternal winter. From a tiny northern village screams could be heard as herds of eskimo sprinted from their homes. It was so cold that icicles shot into the sides of their houses and ripped them apart. So cold that the ground split open like a chapped lip. So cold that your boogers literally froze in your nose, and it felt like your brain and balls were frozen too. That was why the people were booking it. Men, women, young and old, everyone was fleeing for the safety of their warm boogers and balls.

The snow line was spreading, and spreading fast.

Prologue 3
It was a dark and stormy night when a lone figure appeared before the watchman on the international border check station. Of course, it wasn’t really a dark or stormy night, it was a sunny yet typically horrible Monday morning. In fact only about a half hour had passed since Santa had unleashed utter terror upon the earth.

“Hey, Jou, what’s that?” one of the guards in the station asked as he motioned towards the haggard and stumbling stranger.

“Looks like one of those Christmas elves to me,” Jou responded as he sipped from his cup of Joe.

“You think he’s gonna make it?” the other man asked. The elf seemed to be struggling against the weight of his own body. Each step was pure torture as he neared the check station.

“Hmm, maybe we should cheer him on.” Jou suggested.

“Good idea.” The guards cupped their hands around their mouths and yelled encouraging phrases at the traveler:

“I would say break a leg, but it looks like you already did!”

“Where’s your sleigh, dingle bells?”

The two Shinobi busted up and guffawed loudly.

Buddy the Elf had ran until his legs could carry him no further. Exhausted, drained by the effort of crossing an entire continent and the constant peril of skirting death, he had at last reached the border of the Land of Fire. Seeing the guards cheer-- or jeer-- him on seemed to give him a second wind, and he just barely managed to drag himself to the doorstep of the station before he collapsed entirely.

“Nnnnnhhh,” he groaned.

“Jou, I think he’s giving us some cryptic code with his dying breath!”

“Let me write this down,”

“Not…. dying…” the elf managed to pant, “I need…”

His voice shriveled up and he could no longer continue.

“Hey Jou, this guy seems dehydrated, hand me your Joe there.” The other guard handed over his coffee mug, and the man promptly poured it down Buddy’s throat.

After nearly having his insides scalded by the hot liquid he seemed to be revived, and was able to deliver his message:

“Take me to Konoha, it’s a matter of extreme urgency.” he said.

“How urgent is ‘urgent?’” Jou asked.

“Very urgent. I must speak to the Hokage immediately.”

“Sure, no problem buddy. But first I’ll need to see your passport.”

The Conference
Three days later...

The time had come. Buddy the Elf had delivered his message to the Hokage, who had promptly called an International Shinobi Union meeting to order. They would meet in a town some distance outside Konoha, near the coast in a very sizeable conference center. This was to avoid political discomfort, of course. Eggnog and cookies would also be provided, mainly due to Buddy’s urging, in order to entice Shinobi from all lands to come.

The conference center was your typical, boring conference center. It was a flat, square building with a modular style, weird polygon arches and a slanted roof completing the illusion that it had been built in the ‘60’s, even though it was quite new. The place was huge, especially the main meeting room which was essentially a circular, enclosed amphitheatre in the center of the complex. There was also a fountain with a naked goldfish outside the main entrance, and white smooth steps that led up to the front doors. However, as no one cares about minor details like naked goldfish, the purpose of the statue was entirely unknown.

Inside the meeting room waited several prominent Shinobi from Konoha and elsewhere. Seated in between them was Buddy the Elf, a half-sad, half-bored expression on his pale face. The meeting would begin as soon as everyone else arrived, as had been specified in the invitation:

"You are cordially invited to Konoha’s Christmas Party! Wear an ugly sweater and bring a gift to share. (Also we will be talking about the destruction of the world and end of life as we know it, so please come if you value the future prosperity of mankind)."

The message had seemed subtle enough, and now they could only wait and hope that the other Shinobi would show. They needed an army after all, but one could not be raised without support.