Talk:Ayako Gozen

Review
As promised, I’ve put together a little review for Ayako, the structure of which is such that each of her sections is critiqued individually. I’ve also decided to give each section a score out of 10, based on how well-written, in my opinion, it is.

Overview There is something that just screams “wasted potential” about this (hardly) badass chick you’ve created. Reading through the article, all I see is horribly underdeveloped appearance, a somniferous personality and a mélange of abilities which range from mediocre at best to just plain bullshit at worst. What really has me annoyed, however, is the fact that Ayako has within her the potential to become a superb character, but it is obvious that you, the writer, have not put in the requisite effort which will allow Ayako to realize that potential. Moving on:

Introductory Paragraphs This section is one of the more well-written ones, but within it there are contradictory statements which undermine what you have written further down in the article. In the last paragraph, you stated that, “Ayako walks the steps of life alone, waiting for a day to atone for her sins and to cast down retribution on the perpetrators behind the death of her feudal lord, and the corruption that is seeping into her country of origin.” There are several problems with that. Firstly, you mentioned “atoning for sins”. A sin is an act of purposeful wrongdoing. Based on what you have written, Ayako feels that the culpability for the death of the feudal lord to whom she was assigned lies solely with herself. However, she played no part in the assassination itself, as by your own statements, she merely watched impotently while the daimyou was killed like a lamb at the slaughterhouse. Thus, she has no “sins” to atone for. Failures, moments of indecision, perhaps, but not sins. There is also the possibility that Ayako feels penitent for the various acts of brutality she committed after leaving Iwa, but this seems highly improbably based on her current personality.

Secondly, I think it is rather unlikely that Ayako will ever be able to avenge those who murdered the Earth daimyou. Keep in mind that she was unable to provide any evidence as to who might have been the perpetrators in the weeks and months immediately following the assassination. Hence, the likelihood of her being able to provide any incriminating evidence in the current time, years after it took place, is extremely low. If you’ve ever watched a detective show, you know that it is incredibly difficult to solve a cold case, and unless Ayako has the sleuthing skills of Sherlock Holmes, which she doesn’t, she is not going to come across those people who were responsible for the death of her liege lord unless she has an incredible stroke of dumb luck. Ayako, if she really is as intelligent as you purport her to be, would be cognizant of this, and she wouldn’t squander the life she currently has on petty thoughts of revenge which she can never have. That’s something Sasuke would do.

Thirdly, you stated that Ayako has currently sworn unwavering fealty to Fuyuki. This means that whatever skills, whether they be of combat, deduction, seduction or otherwise, are only to be employed in service to him. Were Ayako really to be consumed by her past to the extent which you have said she is, she would be incapable of serving Fuyuki with any significant degree of loyalty, and Fuyuki, being the psychotic, narcissistic egomaniac he is, would not tolerate a vassal within his ranks who did not owe her allegiance to him and him alone. Score: 7/10

Background Ayako’s background is… intriguing, to say the least. I actually like certain elements of it, but you have worded it in such a way that you have detracted from its value as a literary work. Let’s take the “serial killer” you’ve mentioned, and Ayako’s inherent relationship with him. After consideration, I think the most logical reason for her blood relation with him, and thus the antipathy that is given her by her fellow villagers and her own mother, is that the mother was herself raped by the criminal. Here’s why I doubt there can be any other explanation: Had the relationship Ayako had with Kira-Neko (by the way, was this an attempt to translate “killer cat”?) been paternal, that is, her father was somehow related to him, then I doubt her mother would have harbored any resentment towards Ayako as she would have been willing to enter into a romantic liaison with the father, and if she did know that the man with whom she was procreating was related to Kira-Neko, then I doubt she would have hated the product of that relationship. Had the relationship with Kira-Neko been maternal, that is, the mother was somehow related to him, her mother wouldn’t have hated Ayako, because to hate her would have been to hate herself. If, however, the mother was forced to have intercourse by Kira-Neko, everything is logically explained. Rape trauma can have a debilitating psychological effect on women, and in many cases leads to a hatred of the child which is produced from that rape. Furthermore, Ayako’s fellow villagers would also resent her, as not only would she be an unwanted product of forced sexual intercourse, she would be an unwanted product of forced sexual intercourse with a despicable monster. (more coming)