Thread:Njalm2/@comment-5266944-20130318210735/@comment-3403804-20130319165041

Hmm. I've read through Leon's story and the first thing I notice with the guy is his name - it breaks the mold for Naruto names in that its an english name mixed with a japanese one. I consider this to be quite an issue as it ruins the immersive experience of the character quite abit.

But I'm getting off-track, you wanted me to review him as a candidate for the Rinnegan and I've taken the time to read both his background and the jutsu that you invented.

In regards to his backstory, I have to applaud you for actually creating such a long backstory for your character, it definitely helps set him apart on a fanon such as this, even if your grammar and spelling leave much to be desired.

I want to point out, that you don't explain how he managed to activate the Rinnegan, or even why he had it within him in the first place. It simply awakened in a moment of great stress, the Rinnegan is not, nor will it ever be a Sharingan and your characters story should reflect that. I also feel that there's little actual conflict about the Rinnegan in his story, it doesn't have a particularily big impact on his life beyond making things slightly more difficult, you don't go into detail on WHY things are difficult, beyond an arbitrary mention of bounty hunters and people who want the Rinnegan's power for themselves (the latter part has promise if you expand on it).

In regards to the backstory, I feel its lacking in several respects and the Rinnegan's involvement in it is far too minor, thus I cannot give him the Rinnegan based upon it. Because it has no actual consequences for him, its appearance is simply a minor inconvenience.

As for the jutsu, it has what I ordered, that much is true - but you never try to explain how the technique works. Beyond the fact that it draws upon the Asura path in some shape and/or form. To explain the nature of your Flaming Arrow Leg Missile - you must first offer an explanation on how the Asura Path works. Its got potential though, if you can find out how the Asura path works on your own and apply that to your character.

So, in conclusion - Leon Sanyu is NOT eligible for the Rinnegan in this particular state, I would also strongly suggest that you run him through a spell and grammar-check before coming back to me with improvements. Good spelling and grammar would help your case in attaining the Rinnegan.