Thread:Uzuchiha123/@comment-25436862-20141219043523

Just some notes.

This is the current page as it reads.

Similar to that of a Susanoo, it is an ethereal warrior with a dragon head. It has the ability to control lightning, it signature sword is pretty much a lighning bolt. It has amazing defensive capabilities where if it gets touched while the user is in it, it shocks whatever touched it. If the user wishes to allow a person or object into the raijin they can come in. It can also wield a shield but Hitomi Uchiha has yet to reveal the shield.

The idea is there, and it certainly is not a bad one. But the writing feels like the minimum for describing such an extraordinary technique. I simply recommend you add some more detail to stretch the text a bit. For example, you state " It has amazing defensive capabilities where if it gets touched while the user is in it, it shocks whatever touched it." Your compacting two key facts into a single sentence when you can stretch them into several. The following is simply one way to extend this phrase.

The Raijin acts as a form of ultimate defense, much like the Susanoo. While surrounded the user, it defends against most forms of attacking, making it rather difficult to damage the user. In addition, the Raijin is capable of delivering a powerful electric shock to whatever comes in contact with it, further increasing its defensive capabilities.

Little things like adding detail just make the page read much better and make you seem like a better writer. 