Talk:Nagare Senju

Review
Well, Para, as promised, I decided to critique your work on Nagare’s article thus far. Let me begin by saying that the overall piece is of excellent quality, one which I hope you will maintain in your future work. Anyway, let’s get to it. Appearance –An apt and creative description of Nagare you have put together. I can find little and less to fault in this section, my sole criticism being that in the paragraph in which you describe his eyes, you do so in quite a clichéd manner. “The young man's slightly rounded eyes are breathtaking. When one looks into them, they are reminded of deep, reflecting pools, and almost instantly, a feeling of immersion occurs. The sensation is almost akin to being drenched in Nagare's tranquility.” The likening of the eyes to captivating bodies of water is an oft-used tactic by writers, and it strikes me as odd that you would choose to portray a character in which just about everything else is original in such a way. Countless are the stories that have at least one character which can enthrall people by meeting their gaze, making them feel as if they could see into his very soul… you get the idea.

That is not to say that your wording is plagiarized or your comparison inappropriate, however. I do believe that much information about a character can be gleaned from the inspection of his eyes. I merely am of the opinion that a differently worded comparison would have further lent originality to Nagare. For example, if it were me who had to describe them, I would have written, “Nagare’s eyes are a paragon of placidity. They focus only on that which Nagare deems is of such importance as to necessitate his observation of it, reducing the effort his ocular muscles must exert to a minimum. Never do they stray in their sockets haphazardly, as befits one who is beset with angst. In this, they can be likened to pools of water; tranquility is their natural state, unless acted upon by an external force.”

As an interesting little tidbit, I wonder how Nagare is able to slip his forehead protector through the tabs on his jeans. The metal part, which has to be large enough to cover a significant fraction of one’s forehead, would almost certainly not fit through them :P Personality- Now for the fun part. (More to come)

--My name is Raven. Darth Raven. (talk) 01:57, March 4, 2014 (UTC)