Thread:SixpathsofSamoa/@comment-24401432-20130517202353

Hiya Sam,

As I mentioned in the chat that I would write the points that you still need to improve. So here it is. It is separated in "what to improve", "improved" and that's it. ;)

To improve
 * Thoughts; Use italic to write his thoughts.
 * Example: The famous Raido? that had a nice ring to it after all what shinobi doesn't want to be praised for the good they have done.
 * Example II: The famous Raido, eh, questioned the man mentally to himself. It does have a nice ring to it. After all, which shinobi doesn't want to be praised for the good they've done.
 * Conversational; It is going better, I will admit. Though, you forget to use - "--", occasionally.
 * Example: Id talk more about the who or what im looking for, but for some reason it seems a tad bit crowded out here, or maybe konoha is getting smaller. Raido hinted toward the other shinobi.
 * Example II: "I'd love to talk more... about who or what I'm looking for," the man began slowly, hinting about the approaching shinobi, "but for some reason it seems to be a tad bit crowded out here, or perhaps Konoha is getting smaller."
 * Small improvements: Try to avoid writing in numbers or shortcuts at all cost - at all time.
 * Example: 1st how did she hear of him, and from where did she hear this. Raido's reputation in the world is much like him, neutral. He often did things from the kindness of his heart, but he made no qualms about looking the other way.
 * Example II: Firstly, where did the woman hear of him - his reputation? Secondly, how did she know his name? The unexplainable questions began to build up as his clear mind became clouded. He, Raido, knew that he was known as a neutral person - similar to their beloved world. After all, he had done deeds with his heart but made no qualms about looking the other way.

I hope that this will explain it more in what I've meant all this time.

Improvements
 * Your quality and quantity of your responds have improved a lot.
 * The conversational, as mentioned before, has improved a bit.

Over all, you're doing much better. You've my praise and you should applaud yourself as well. If I've missed something, please note it, or if you've something to ask.

Cherry out~ 