Thread:Shen Yi/@comment-26261281-20150418155804/@comment-26576038-20150420171438

I read thrall of heaven. Three things. First, try not to use we, I and You. It breaks the immersion. Second, try to flo your sentences better. don't just list what happens. Describe it. Also, remove the "You should have lightning immunity." Lightning immunity is impossible. Let the person figure out how to escape it. Never make it so a person only has one way to escape. There are always different methods.