Board Thread:Naruto: Crowning of Dawn Review Board/@comment-3030647-20170103002554/@comment-4869113-20170125183622

Hey Kami, so Kimigetsu's history is very barebones and highly coincidental to the point it's almost unbelievable. Now, I can take some coincidence, because at a point shit needs to happen for our characters to grow, but this might be a little...eh, too much?

"Left at the doorstep of Suigetsu's house, Kimigetsu was never fortunate enough to her mother. It is speculated that her mother is a kunoichi of the Yuki Clan, but there is no proof behind the theory. Throughout her infant years, Kimigetsu was raised by none other than the red hot Karin, as she was able to provide all the nutrients and care that her father could not."

This is my biggest issue, I think, with the history section. How in the hell did the mother even find Orochimaru's hideout, which is guarded by Yamato. If anything, let's say she did find it, Yamato would've found the baby first.

"Throughout these three key years she displayed hints of rare talent that caught the eye of the notorious Sannin — Orochimaru. Upon Suigetsu's return from his mission to retrieve all Seven Legendary Swords of the Mist, he decided to remove his daughter from such an environment where her life could be at stake."

Again, if Orochimaru recognized talent in her, why did he allow her to leave? This isn't a hard question, because it depends on your interpretation of Orochimaru. This is a question you can answer in the response below.

"On a cold winter night, after month of practicing with the technique, Suigetsu finally decided to put his daughter's skill to the test. In order to truly master the technique, one must retain the form even in the coldest of weather. Understanding that power comes from necessity, Suigetsu left his only in the forest in the middle of a snow storm and told her to find her way out. Incapable of maintaining her transformation, she began to suffer from frostbite and hypothermia. Almost frozen, she attempted one last time in order to save her own life, her body liquid body solidified as she finally gained access to her unknown Kekkei Genaki Ice Release. "

I like the idea, but I think it's better if you have them get stuck in a snowstorm and separated actually, or if they simply moved back to Kirigakure and her ninja squad were sent. I think the idea of Suigetsu being isolated is a lil weird, and I think it'd do you better just to have him return home, especially since the 7 swords are back in Kiri, maybe he was the one who returned them and got rewarded for it (an estate, a wife, etc, etc..)

"Weary of Orochimaru possibly capturing and imprisoning her as he once was, Suigetsu suggested that she should affiliate her with Kirigakure, his native village."

Yep, so your interpretation of Orochimaru is the same. So, why not switch up the background a little bit.

Instead, have it so that Suigetsu finds and masters the seven ninja swords, and then returns to him Kirigakure, receiving a pardon for his crimes assisting Taka, just as they all done, and bestowing him the head of the ninja swordsmen, and giving him an estate. Really, it makes him a noble in Kirigakure, and he probably becomes the defacto head of his clan, or at least a high up member of the Hozuki. So, then, he has a wife, she dies or whatever, and boom. Your story is much better and it makes much more sense.

I think for her abilities, a stronger emphasis on what exactly is her more befitting trait. I think I'm getting that she has big reserves, but not HUGE reserves, and so she compensates with chakra control, but this is not directly stated. You could fix that just by saying exactly that, which I think will ultimately be better especially since she uses genjutsu.

Speaking of genjutsu, I'd just remove Bringer of Darkness. It's a konoha thing I feel like.

Other than those thing, the character is pretty solid, so If you agree to talk with me and tweak those things, she's approved. Let me know.